Patches and Princess's Boutique

Since May 15 2010 I have felt very lost in my purpose in life. I have always known when I grew up I wanted to be a mom. It is what I love to do. It is what I am best at! From the moment I conceive on I am in total enjoyment. I love the whole process of pregnancy, labor, and all the enjoyments a child brings to your life! This is what I am meant to do.

After my son passed away I couldn't help by question all this. Am I really meant to be a mom? If so why is God taking my baby from me? I have struggled daily with all of this and really my confidence has gone down somewhat. There was a few months were I didn't care about myself at all. What was the point of getting out of bed? Why even bother with anything when God was going to take it all away in the end? I lost my self for a while. Thanks to my best friend Amanda Katsilas she showed me there was other things I could do to keep my mind off things. She was with me everyday since it happened and I will forever be grateful she didn't go running for the hills like most people do. Mandi showed me I could put my thoughts and feelings into making things. I have always been a crafty person but never pushed for it. I started taking way more photos then I normally do and I am a photo fanatic. I started pulling out the scrap books again and making my memories into art.

Then I found out her mom quilted! Something hit me then and I asked Mandi if her and her mom would make Alaina a quilt in memory of CJ. I must say it is the best quilt I have ever seen in my life! Alaina loved it the moment she got it and I asked Mandi to show me how to make one! We spent all summer and fall sewing and doing crafts. It was the worse summer of my life cause I struggled emotionally with the loss of my son, but then again I learned so much and Mandi was there helping me get through!

By winter time things got rough again. It was the holidays and CJ's birthday. It was also even harder because Mandi moved away as well as most of my friends and then my husband left for training. I will admit I got caught back up in another small depression. I didn't care anymore. Then one random day I decided I wanted to sew cause I love doing it! I sewed and sewed and sewed and well I haven't stopped yet! For some reason that I just do not know I feel better, I feel happier, and I feel my son with me when I sew.

So thanks to Mandi and all the work we put in I have found my calling! I am meant to be a mother because I work hard at it and I love every minute of it! I give it my all with Alaina and CJ! I will give it my all with future children if we ever have any! It is who I am. I am also now the creater of Patches and Princess's Boutique! With a little encouragement I am now starting to let myself come out and do this not only for me but for my son! He would want me to do what makes me happy! Thank you Mandi for showing me the way and being there for me always! Thank you to my wonderful son to showing me that even though he is gone he is still here with me in other ways! I will love him forever and miss him ever day! I cant wait for the day  I get to hold him again in Heaven! One day, but today I am living for these memories and the moments!