Dear CJ,

I write this letter to you in hopes that you hear it in Heaven. I cant believe today makes ten months since you have gone home to God. I hope Heaven is all that I dreamed it would be. I know you are well taken care of there. I hope that you have found your great grandfather. I know if you did there is nothing to worry about cause he is the best grandfather I could have ever asked for. I like to imagine that you did find him and that he sings to you like he used to sing to me. on of my favorite songs he used to sing was a called a "picture of me without you" by Lorrie Morgan.  He used to always sing it to me while he rocked me. I hope you enjoy his singing just as much. I hope you remember but I used to sing it to you too. I hummed it more then sang it cause I cant sing good, but it used to calm you when I rocked you.

Imagine a world where no music was playing

And think of a church with nobody praying

Have you ever looked up at a sky with no blue?

Then you've seen a picture of me without you

Have you walked in a garden where nothing was growing

Or stood by a river where nothing was flowing

If you've seen a red rose unkissed by the dew

Then you've seen a picture of me without you

Can you picture heaven with no angels singing

Or a quite Sunday morning with no church bells ringing

If you've watched as the heart of a child breaks in two

Then you've seen a picture of me without you

I truly believe that you are there with him and he sings this song to you! It is one of my safe memories when things get rough. All I have to do is close my eyes and I can hear it. I miss you so much. I hate waking up without you here. There are days where I feel like I'm living in this horrible nightmare and I will wake up any minute to hear your cry, to see your smile.  You are the most beautiful baby boy I ever saw and ever will see. I love you with all my heart. 

Your Daddy and sister miss you too. It is so hard to see them going through all this. It breaks my heart even more to know I cant heal them. We all try to be as normal as we can. Im not sure we will ever be normal again, not without you. We all miss you so much. Im not sure how we got here today, I cant believe I have lived ten months without you. I never thought I would have to live a day without you here. I'm learning how to live without you even though I don't want to. I wish Heaven wasn't so far away. I would come to you if I could. I miss you everyday and I will love you for forever! I will be with you again one day and I cant wait to hold you and see you smile! I love you!

Love,

Mommy