Why?

Some things I just don't understand. Most things I don't understand are in God's hands. I have belief that I have personally progressed leaps and bounds from the mess I was over three months ago. I have been more open to talking more and more. I let a little pain in more and more everyday so that I can fully let my walls down one day and open my heart again to begin being happy. It is a long hard process and I could not do it without the love and support from my husband! Not only my husband but my family and friends as well.

Last night though I was caught off guard. I have relived the horrible day every day since it happened. I will admit the more I relive it the more I see the moments I will cherish forever and less of the horrible moments that happened when God broke my heart! I have found myself dealing with it a little better. Last night however I read a blog that broke my heart. I read this girls blog about the loss of her daughter and the story behind it. It was the first time I truly found myself reliving the loss of my son through someone else's story. When I was reading her story I could not believe how similar it was to my very own story of my sons loss. It broke my heart and I was caught off guard. It was the first time I cried myself to sleep in a long time. I just do not understand why this happens to such sweet babies. How could this happen? Why does this happen? It breaks my heart that other people have to go through what I just went through. No one should ever have to endure that kind of pain! I would take it away from everyone if I could cause it is the worst imaginable heartache you could imagine.

My thoughts and prayers will always go out to those families that have been through all that I have been going through. I miss my son every day and not a day goes by that I dont think of him! Even though I dont understand God and his plan I do know that God only takes the best angels to heaven and he has the most precious angel in my life! I will always love my son and the day will come that God will bring me home to him! Until that day comes....